Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
