Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
