What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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