I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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