i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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