It's Friday. Sex?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
