Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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