Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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