So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
