Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
