Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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