I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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