No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize