The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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