Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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