Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
