I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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