You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
