Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
