It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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