Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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