At least make sure they are 18
Why
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
