Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize