i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
