I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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