Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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