How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
