I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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