I am in a vortex of obligation.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I supernannyed him into submission
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize