My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
FUCK WHALES
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
