My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
