Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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