kristin has been a bad kristin
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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