you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
