the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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