i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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