AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize