OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I look better un-naked...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize