I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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