I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
