careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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