Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
