dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
