Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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