i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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