If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
