I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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