the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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