Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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