Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
time to smoke my breakfast
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
