I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
