They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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