this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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