the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
