I just saw a hot homeless man
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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