Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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