Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
