i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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