if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
