Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
