you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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