Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize