you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
