You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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