Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I touched a dick in church today
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
