and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
