I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
