i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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