well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
