Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
