I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
