I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
of course. lets lasso hookers.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
