I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
