a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she smelled like a LAN party
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize