I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
