You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
