i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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