sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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