Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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