He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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