life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
